curl usage better accounts for timeouts

curl usage better accounts for timeouts

curl is dumb. it needs to poll its own fd for data, it gets confused with its own timeouts, and sometimes it forgets that it's supposed to be doing anything.

this fixes:

* connection timeout processing
* connection data processing order

also curl_multi_timeout calls are now done from a single function to handle all of this stupidness in one place

maybe backport after more testing...